Don’t let aspiring for better come at the expense of your present self worth.

Growing up, I couldn’t get enough self help books. My mom always told my brother and I to avoid making her mistakes and to instead “educate yourself so you can make something out of yourself.”

Studying success is generally harmless. Some lessons stick with you and help you be a better person. Some authors share things you’ve heard many times before but didn’t appreciate until you heard it from them.

But as an adult learning to navigate the world every day like the rest of you, I’ve noticed a downside to success chasing that’s worth acknowledging.

For so long in life, I thought I was a book away from being the most successful version of myself. One choice away, one life change. It didn’t matter that success books all started sounding the same—I was convinced that everything I wanted to be in life was only a few months of hard work away. I just had to grind it out until then.

Many of us fall into this trap. We believe we’re only a course away. A job change away. A relationship away… From everything we’ve always wanted. From being on the track we were finally meant to be on.

Aspirations are fine and good. They keep us pushing and growing.

But bad mental habits left unchecked can cause your aspirations to become thieves of your present joy and self worth.

I aspired so much to have an even bigger and better house someday that I stopped noticing all the wonderful things about my current home. All the little things my partner and I have done to make it the intentional oasis we built together.

I aspired so much to make a lot more money in today’s economy that I stopped remembering how broke we really were as children. And how my childhood self is already making more money than he imagined at this age.

I aspired so much to be a better friend and family member that I would scold myself every time I missed a phone call, took too long to answer texts, or didn’t even return some calls. I found it easier to hide when all my friends and family wanted was to wish me well and enjoy each other’s presence.

It’s useful to want even better for yourself and hold yourself accountable to reaching your goals.

However, we need to be extremely careful that accountability doesn’t gradually morph into personal resentment and a sense of failure. Missing a day or two of a new habit often leads us to think we’re lazy and/or incapable of improvement.

When that happens, our subconscious starts to fear the very aspirations we want because it’s afraid of the scolding and resentment that comes with failing over and over.

And when THAT happens, we turn to familiar avenues of coping and escapism. Next thing you know we’re further from our goals than we ever imagined, even though we’ve been trying so hard to hold ourselves accountable.

So that’s this week’s message. When you find yourself thinking about the future “when I have my life together,” acknowledge the utility of aspiring boldly to a better future, AND also allow yourself gratitude for where you are today. Don’t let the future joy you wish in your life prevent you from looking and finding joy today.

Joy’s timeframe is not mutually exclusive between the future and the present, and your future will be better off when your present is galloping toward it instead of searching for escape from an inevitable doom.

Thanks friend for reading this reflection on life. I wish you abundant love, strength, and inner peace as you navigate this unpredictable experience we all call life.

If any of this resonated or you have ideas for things to write about, drop me a note.

With sonder 🤟🏽

Ruben Dario